Today wasn't my best day... emotionally... in fact it's 2:00 a.m. and I am still kavetching about how I'm feeling... trying to talk myself out of it.... berating myself.... saying it's time to suck it up! But it's not working so I thought I'd get up and dump it here... hopefullly!
The day started well.... massage and lunch with Joanne... then I went to Wehlage's retirement barbeque because I care about him and wanted to wish him well.... I knew it wasn't going to be good for me though. And it wasn't. I tried not to feel hurt but I did... do.... Mostly because of the magnitude of the event and McKenzie's speech regarding Wehlage's contribution to the community etc... which is all very very true... the hurt comes from the fact that McKenzie didn't say hi, goodbye or kiss my ass to me.... absolutely nothing about the last ten years... nada...zero..zilch! And, yes, I hate to admit it hurts but it just does. I wasn't expecting him to say anything tonight, of course.... tonight was Wehlage's... but to not say anything to me... even privately... totally sucks... why do I care about what he thinks when he so obviously doesn't... and what does that say about him?! See what I mean... intellectually I know the answers... emotionally I'm still just plain hurt! Being human sucks!
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